For many years now I have heard time and time again the following: "You have more talent in your little finger then I do in my whole body." OR... "My mom is one of the most talented women I know." Or... "One thing for sure is that your mom is very talented." My talents have a hidden truth behind them, a story, and none of the many things I can do came naturally, I worked very hard, and had a certain motivation to each talent learned, which was, to be accepted and loved.
When I was a little girl it didn't seem to matter what I did or didn't do it was never good enough. I would try to sing and I was told to quit singing because I had a horrible voice, but then one day I was singing to the Radio and my Aunt Kim said, "Wow, you have a pretty voice." That was all it took, she gave me just enough confidence that I pushed my way into singing at different functions at church and in the community. Before long I was getting asked to sing all the time. Then I thought I should learn the guitar and I pushed my way again asking our neighbor if she would teach me how to play chords. She did after my pleading. Soon my guitar and my voice started taking me to some very fun places in my life. My big time hit was, "The little Blue Man." I had the chance to sing that song in
Las Vegas, but plans were changed when I found out I was pregnant with my adorable Debbie. I NEVER once
regretted that because my children were far more important to me. My singing and playing the guitar has blessed many lives.
When I was a little girl I always wanted to draw, but to no
avail, I was told I couldn't even draw a stick figure, so discouraged I quit trying. In 6
th grade, however, our art teacher had us go home and draw something we saw in our yard. So, I went home and I drew and colored in, moms Iris's. When my teacher saw my art work he told me that it was beautiful and that I should draw all the time. I got an A+ but still I figured it was just luck. I forgot about drawing until I was married and had 2 babies. I was constantly trying to find a way to impress my husband at that time, now my ex, and make him believe I was good at something. I wanted so badly for him to love me, truly love me, it was then my art teachers words hit me. So, I started an art course for drawing. I took this course for about a year. It did help me improve my drawing abilities tons. Soon, I started painting logo's on trucks and continued doing that for quite some time. Many years later, of all the art I've done, in an effort to impress and be loved, once again, I am not famous, but My art blesses people.
I could go into the other things I pushed myself to learn, but the end result would be exactly the same as my art and music abilities. The Motive, the drive
behind it all, was to try to be loved and accepted. People
defiantly notice what I do - but like all things that we chase in life which is not God, we come up empty and feeling unsatisfied. It didn't make anyone love me more, or accept me for who I am inside, I don't know that they even really know me. This story goes very deep, and I could ramble on with many different stories, but it is not the story itself I want to convey but the moral of the story.
Why try to gain acceptance from people when God already loves us and accepts us exatly for who we are "inside." When we chase Him, all other things fall into place. I think God must have been giggling at my
wanderings, and yet, now I do have talents that I can use to bless people and God. Now that is Ironic - God helped me put my desires for acceptanc into the right place, by allowing Me to bless people. All things turn to glorify God.
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